> Dear Fellow FOTers
>
> I was working hard on a crankshaft vibration article for Triumph
over
> Triumph when, during a tea break, I decided to read Irv's e-mail.-
Very
> amusing Irv. It ruined my concentration, so I packed up magazine
work and
> decided to put a few observations down on paper (while my wife
Julia is at
> work), about shopping.
FOTers - what you don't know is that Julia wasn't at - work. She was
probably still asleep. This is because young Richardson gets up at
5.0am most mornings and one of the first things he does is to
telephone me - to see if I'm awake as well!
> As for Supermarkets, I only go once a year to help Julia with the
Christmas
> food shopping, and what a bloody nightmare that is. I'm still
getting over
> last year's experience when I left a full trolly at the pay desk
and walked
> out. It would be interesting if fellow FOTers suffer the same
experiences.
I don't do that. I just look around for a few screaming children and
put on my crabby old man look, walk with a limp. Then, when the kids
start yelling, I do the same - at them. Has a marvellous effect
because everyone thinks you'll swot the kids, so they push you to the
front of the checkout queue.
> I always seem to arrive near the pay desk when, in front of me a
lady,
> oblivious to those behind, will invariably start talking to the
till girl
> and delaying things further. Last year, when I walked out, the
> conversation in front of me had developed into an account of
recently
> experienced surgery for one of those 'femail' problems - a
'hysterical
> rectum' I think it was.
The 'hysterical ectomy' is another favourite, along with bunnions and
unmentionable aspects of what one might loosely term 'upper assets.'
And what about those trollies blocking the way -
> whilst their users gossip about the price of spuds or grandma's bad
knees.
Normally, they've not seen one another for at least 50 years.
>
> I also have an eternal problem when dressing to go out for the
evening.
> Julia will say "your not wearing that shirt with those trousers are
you?
> This can happen two or three times before she's satisfied I'm fit
to be
> seen in public. BUT, when I'm ready, she'll come down stairs two or
three
> times in various dresses etc. and ask me what she looks best in -
what do I
> know!!.
Hmmm. I pre-empt the situation by saying " you look nice."
"You're only saying that!"
"No, I'm not. You do look very nice."
Then she'll go upstairs again and put on something else.
"There, what about this."
"Yes, that's very nice too."
"You don't like it, do you?"
"Yes, I do. I've just told you."
"Macartney, you're a lying s**t"
And then you spend the next 20 minutes being ultra diplomatic.
> How do you avoid those inevitable 'domestics' ...........
Don't have them - if you are a batchelor. A long term family friend
who seemed to have a new woman every week, told me his secret. He'd
invite them for Dinner at his house, suggesting they arrived at 15
minute intervals. Of course, he was out - with another woman but
claimed the cost of some excellent food and wine on the sideboard was
worth the aggro of giving them 'the bullet' himself.
John Mac
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