With the discussion about stupid people I present the following:
> Idiot # 1
>
> I am a medical student currently doing a rotation
> in toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
> this woman called in very upset because she caught
> her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
> reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
> there would be no need to bring her daughter into
> the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of
> the conversation happened to mention that she gave
> her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
> kill the ants. I told her that she better bring
> her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
>
> Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 2
>
> Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on
> the airfield decided to steal a life raft from
> one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
> it out of the plane and home. When they took it
> for a float on the river, a Coast Guard
> helicopter coming towards them surprised them.
> It turned out that the chopper was homing in on
> the emergency locator beacon which activated
> when the raft was inflated.
>
> They are no longer employed at Boeing.
>
> Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the
> paint might run.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 3
>
> A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting
> to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
> branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your
> muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting
> to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
> that someone had seen him write the note and might
> call the police before he reached the teller window.
> So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
> street to Wells Fargo.
>
> After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
> note to the Wells Fargo teller. He read it and,
> surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't
> the brightest light in the harbor, told him that
> she could not accept his stickup note because it
> was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
> that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
> deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
>
> Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and
> left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was
> waiting in line back at Bank of America.
>
> Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
> couldn't read it anyway.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 4
>
> A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
> speed trap that measured his speed using radar and
> photographed his car. He later received in the mail
> a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
> payment, he sent the police department a photograph
> of $40. Several days later, he received a letter
> from the police that contained another picture,
> this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in
> his $40.
>
> Another sign (though this guy might be onto
> something worth thinking about)!
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 5
>
> Guy walked into a little corner store with a
> shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash
> drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
> the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted
> behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
> cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he
> refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are
> over 21."
>
> The robber said he was, but the clerk still
> refused to give it to him because he didn't
> believe him. At this point the robber took his
> driver's license out of his wallet and gave it
> to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and
> agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he
> put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran
> from the store with his loot. The cashier
> promptly called the police and gave the name and
> address of the robber that he got off the license.
>
> They arrested the robber two hours later.
>
> (Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this guy his!)
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 6
>
> A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
> nervously waving revolvers. The first one
> shouted, "Nobody move!"
>
> When his partner moved, the startled first bandit
> shot him.
>
> (This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured
> it out himself.)
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 7
>
> Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
> badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
> block through a liquor store window, grab some
> booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block
> and heaved it over his head at the window.
>
> The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be
> thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems
> the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
> The whole event was caught on videotape.
>
> (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Idiot # 8
>
> Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column
> reported that a man walked into a Burger King
> in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a
> gun and demanded cash.
>
> The clerk turned him down because he said
> the couldn't open the cash register without a
> food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
> the clerk said they weren't available for
> breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
>
> (I hope he remembered to pick up his sign on the way out)
|