List,
I stole the following from a mountain biking web site.
Jerry
WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS....
ELEMENT: Women
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in
alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
HAZARDS:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at
different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact
with
each other.
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A guy phones a law office and says: `I want to speak to my lawyer.` The
receptionist replies, `I`m sorry but he died last week.`
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist
replies, `I told you yesterday, he died last week.`
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this
time
the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, `I keep telling you
that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?`
The guy says, `Because I just love hearing it.`
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