welcome to portland (all lower case as i don't want anyone
here to hear me)
Portland Survival guide (Short Form)
1. Drop off your California license plates at the fruit
inspection station on the way out of state. Never
mind that you will be driving an illegal car, it is
safer to be unlicensed than have California plates. If
you are driving an lbc you will get stopped, but the
officer very likely drives an Elan off duty and just
wants to chat about cars.
2. Portland is divided by the 'Will-LAM-it' river East
and West. The North/South divider is some street,
Broadway or Burnside or something.
3. Buy a city map and memorize the names of the Will-LAM-it
bridges. They are the only way to move from one side to
the other and there is always an accident on one. The
traffic reporters all expect you to know which is which.
4. Learn the names of the 20-30 Wineries around Portland.
5. Learn the locations of the ~30 micro-breweries and the
two Dublin Pubs. (Dublin Pub West has 102 micros on tap!)
6. Forget whatever PIR ment before. It now means a city park
with a race track where you can drive your lbc on track
days for $35/40 a day and every summer you can go talk
to Emmo and his friends. If you read the pdx.racer list
you can even go watch chassis and tire testing.
7. Packy is the name of the first elephant deliveried in
captivity in the states. The randy old fellow is the
father of most of the herd at the Portland Zoo.
8. Speaking of the zoo, Zoo Grass means packing a picnic
lunch on summer Thursday evenings, going to the zoo (free
if you have a pass and go before 5pm) to hear good blue
grass. Wednesday is Jazz.
9. Oh yah Jazz. KMHD is 89.1FM. Community College radio
all volunteer and all Jazz. Best station I have heard
anywhere any time.
10. Shave the fuzz off all your tennis balls. They bounce
a little different but you can play tennis. Otherwise
the fuzz soaks up the sun shine and gets all soggy.
11. Things best left un-said at least until you can put a
proper spin on them:
a. Spotted Owls
b. Logging
c. Marble Marlets
d. Measure 9
e. Your previous address
12. What to wear to the Symphony, Opera, Ballet ... Anything
you damn well please. Someone else will be too.
OH WHAT THE HELL. WELCOME TO PORTLAND
MIKE JOHNSON
mikej@wv.mentorg.com
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