Jake, you can fit in one or two references to autocrossing, it's okay.
I once read that what we imagine is always worse than the reality, but whoever
thought of that obviously was never fixed up on a date by my Gramma, my mentor
and landlord for a year and a half. I drove her up to Two Rocks in Petaluma
once to get her perscription filled, and when she saw the doctor, she
immediately introduced me to him. Sure, he was handsome at all, but did I
really need this?
"And this, Dr. Schwabenblach, is my young, single, and fertile granddaughter,
Katie."
"Oh, nice to meet you Katie."
Me: "Uh, hi."
Gramma: "Won't you be meeting us for dinner, Dr. Schwabenblach?"
Me: "Gramma!"
This date never actually happened. Another time, I was offered an opportunity
to interview to be a legal secretary, something I have no interest in,
something I NEVER want to do in my life, EVER, and my Gramma was mad at me for
weeks for turning it down, NOT because I turned down this alleged career move,
but because I turned down the opportunity to meet lawyers.
On the job front, she was equally as aggressive. She actually called up Wells
Fargo, because she knew the manager there, and I remember her voice ringing
through the house as she said, "I have a young, intelligent, talented
granddaughter who very much needs a job RIGHT NOW. You're not hiring? But she's
very talented. All right. Yes, yes, she'll be there, yes, yes." She turned to
me and said, waving her fist in the air, "Go! Go now to Wells Fargo, Katie, and
START YOUR CAREER!"
I had no choice. And when I arrived red faced, needing desperately to pee, they
said they had no idea what I was talking about. I think she might have called
another branch or something.
This is why my mother moved out at age 18. I realize now that this was God's
attempt to show me what real parents are like, because I obviously had it much
too easy. My biggest difficultygrowing up was wondering if I could ever take a
turn as fast as my mom (autocross reference, so this e-mail meets the
requirements). It's so humiliating losing to your mom, BUT I'll take that a
thousand times over this. My God, anything over this.
Jake, I totally feel for you. On the other hand, my Gramma passed away in '96,
I cannot tell you how much I miss her. Things happen around town, and she's the
first person I want to tell, and I can't. As long as you can write funny
stories about it, it's all good.
But now I'm feeling terrible, bragging about racing and possibly my bike and
all, when WHAT did my mother ever to do me? Nothing! I'm sorry, Mom!
Vic met my Gramma once, and thought she was a kick-ass li'l Gramma, huh Vic.
Katie Kelly
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