ROTFLMAOPMP!!!!!
I remember this from last year, but I didn't really know you all and thought
that you were just a bunch of amusing freaks...
Now I am convinced... ;-D
Debbie, hoping to be sliding around in the rain on 12/16 (and not into any
inanimate objects like I did two days ago)
----- Original Message -----
From: "Kelly, Katie" <kkelly@spss.com>
To: <ba-autox@autox.team.net>
Sent: Friday, November 30, 2001 2:59 PM
Subject: DEAR SANTA TRANSCRIPTS
> This is kind of long, but almost entertaining. It's the complete Dear
> Santa Transcripts, edited somewhat for the sake of continuity and
> because there's even a punchline that makes it well worth the read, in
> my opinion.
>
> This is an actual dialogue that occurred almost one year ago between
> some really deranged people, all still on this list. Just remember, it's
> not just mindless banter. This story really starts cookin' (literally)
> when Hermie's Jailbird Half-Brother, Once Disowned steps in and really
> starts stirring the pot.
>
> It proves that autocrossing DOES keep you young. Especially when you're
> supposed to be WORKING.
>
> Katie K.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Dennis & Sherry Armstrong [mailto:miata@pacbell.net]
> Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2000 12:47 PM
> To: Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: Dear Santa
>
> Dear Santa
> I have been a good boy this year. I have been spending more
> time with my Family, I have been helping out my wife around
> the house. I have even gone the extra mile & helped out
> customers, & my co-workers. I even took a Vacation Day
> today to go to my Daughters School Play.
>
> All I want for Christmas is a set of Kumho Race Tires. Just
> put them under the Christmas Tree on Christmas morning.
> I would also like to get them Heat Cycled if possible, But I
> will take them any way possible. I would like to have them
> before next season so I can play autocross with my friends.
>
> I will leave milk and cookies for you by the fireplace, Or
> anything else you may like.
>
> Dennis Michael Armstrong
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Navid Kahangi [mailto:nkahangi@interwoven.com]
> Sent: Tuesday, December 05, 2000 2:10 PM
> To: Dennis & Sherry Armstrong; Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa
>
>
> Dear Dennis,
>
> I am considering your request, but I'm wondering if you are making s
> mistake! All of your autocross friends are asking for Hoosiers this
> year.
> Some of them don't even play with their perfectly good Kumhos and BFGs
> that
> they got last year anymore.
>
> I have checked your record and you have indeed been a good boy. And to
> be
> honest, we have a lot of Kumhos here in stock at the North pole. But
> are
> you sure you don't want to go with some Hoosiers?
>
> --Santa
> Not sponsored by Hoosier
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Dennis & Sherry Armstrong [mailto:miata@pacbell.net]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 9:35 AM
> To: navid@interwoven.com; Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Dear Santa
> I was informed by Misses Claus That the additional cost of
> Hoosiers would put a shortage on Reindeer Feed. & have
> a large impact on Christmas for the Children.
>
> I know all my friends play on Hoosiers, But I think they
> would let me play with them on Kumhos. After all I don't
> need to win, Just play along. I will get in big trouble with
> my mom if I play to win & neglect my HOMEWORK!!!
>
> Dennis Michael Armstrong
>
> P.S. A renewal of North American Pylon
> would also be nice.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 10:43 AM
> To: 'Dennis & Sherry Armstrong'; navid@interwoven.com;
> Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Dear Dennis,
>
> Contrary to popular myth, you don't need Hoosiers to win, especially on
> a
> Miata. Kumhos work just GREAT, and they'll last a lot longer, meaning
> more
> Reindeer Feed for you.
>
> I am a strong proponent of Reindeer Feed. I conduct Reindeer Feed
> testing
> down at the Lab. I was once a Feed Engineer, but I was promoted to Feed
> Lead
> about six months ago. It's a tough job, managing this crew of about
> eight.
> They're good on the inside, but a bit cliquish. It took a long time
> before
> they saw the light through the fog. But I stuck with it, followed my
> nose so
> to speak.
>
> I am very proud of our product, and I agree with you - tires should
> never
> interfere with Feed Consumption.
>
> Sincerely,
> Rudolph
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 11:19 AM
> To: Kelly, Katie; 'Dennis & Sherry Armstrong'; navid@interwoven.com;
> Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Dear Dennis,
>
> Go ahead and get the Hoosiers - the Reindeer Feed technicians down at
> the
> lab have consumed way too much during the off season. Just last week,
> during rooftop training exercises to prepare for the big day, both
> Donner
> and Blitzen managed to fall through the roof of the training hut. Due
> to
> this unfortunate mishap, Santa has instituted a strict diet and training
>
> regimen to be followed year-round. This regimen should save on our
> Reindeer Feed costs, and lower our health insurance premiums, thus
> freeing
> up funds for Hoosiers.
>
> That said, full-tread Kumhos seem to be most totally excellent for the
> more
> slippery locations, like GGF and Oakland, and for running in the
> rain. They also last much longer than the Hoosiers. And, you can drive
> on
> them to the events. Hoosiers appear to be faster on concrete and
> stickier
> surfaces, like 3com. At least, this has been our experience on our
> relatively heavy sleigh.
>
> Sincerely,
> Hermie the elf
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 11:28 AM
> To: 'Jim Ochi'; 'Dennis & Sherry Armstrong'; navid@interwoven.com;
> Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> MEMO TOP SECRET MEMO TOP SECRET MEMO TOP SECRET MEMO TOP SECRET
>
> Dear Hermie the Elf,
>
> As you were made well aware at our last meeting, the Donner and Blitzen
> debacle was supposed to remain in confidentiality, as per orders from
> Santa.
> Look, we've got a big shipment coming up on the eve of the 24th. If
> people
> start finding out we're two reindeer short, they might get nervous, and
> they
> might start asking questions. None of this makes for good publicity,
> especially with this rash of startup .coms appearing everywhere you
> turn.
> With our rising costs of wrapping paper, ribbon, let alone Reindeer Feed
> production, we'll be lucky to break even this year.
>
> If you want to keep your job, you're going to stay tight lipped about
> this.
> As of now, Donner and Blitzen are FINE, and are merely taking a
> sabatical
> this year after all their years of fine service.
>
> Over and out,
> Rudolph
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kevin Stevens [mailto:kevin_stevens@hotmail.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 11:55 AM
> To: kkelly@spss.com; jochi@liquidaudio.com; miata@pacbell.net;
> navid@interwoven.com; ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> I heard they were in training at a greyhound track in Florida,
> alternating
> as "bunny" for each race...
>
> KeS
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Anthony Tabacco [mailto:atabacco@california.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 12:55 PM
> To: Kelly, Katie
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> Hermie,
> Blitzen and I both believe that we've never met you at the plant, but
> just to
> clue you in, we are definitly not on "sabatical". Rudy is a total
> company
> stooge. I'm sure that every elf has checked their plan by now and
> figured
> out that the klausco.com IPO augered in early, and they are all under
> water.
> To make it worse, we both got the the same
> "not on company time" letter from the HMO. Hey, we were out there on our
> own
> time doing touch and gos so deserving kids like Dennis can get tires. If
> Rudy, who has his own marketing and music deals on the side, wants to
> get
> his harness all in a bunch, he can gripe about plant maintenace. Did you
> really think after "all these years" we can't land in our sleep?
> Don
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 1:25 PM
> To: 'Anthony Tabacco'
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> I see you'll never change, Donner. I want you to know that thanks to
> your
> reindeer games, we're incredibly understaffed for Dec. 24th's shipment.
> Yes,
> it is true: our facilities aren't maintained as well as they should, but
> you
> can blame that on our booming economy and low unemployment. It's tough
> to
> find blue collar workers willing to do the maintenance work. That's why
> we're stuck with Hermie, the Associate Elf. We can't even afford your
> housing, as we could in years past, which is why you're all cramped in
> that
> one tiny stall.
>
> We're in a crunch right now. That is why it says very clearly in the
> Reindeer Handbook, "No Touch and Gos on the Klausco Plant." You were
> given
> due warning. You have been incredibly naughty and not very nice.
>
> -Rudolph
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Anthony Tabacco [mailto:atabacco@california.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 1:30 PM
> To: Kelly, Katie
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Wake up and smell the tundra, Rudy! Guess who took the corporate sleigh
> to
> meet with the fed-ex people last week? Do I have to draw you a flight
> plan?
> Don
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:02 PM
> To: 'Anthony Tabacco'
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Not Fed Ex!
>
> Donner, what the hoof is going on here.
>
> Rudolph
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:02 PM
> To: Kelly, Katie; Bay_Area_Autocross_List
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> Rudolph -
>
> Where do you get the right to tell me what to do? Just 6 months ago you
> were a lowly nothing, bottom reindeer on the totem pole. You would beg
> the
> other reindeers to play in their games - when they wouldn't let you, us
> elves would take time out from our busy schedule to play with you. Even
> if
> it meant working an additional 4 hours to make our toy quotas, we would
> still take the time to make a piddly little reindeer happy. Then, you
> got
> your promotion, and everything changed. All of a sudden you were too
> good
> to associate with elves. You've been treating us as your lackeys, and
> this
> must stop. I've contacted our union representative, and unless we are
> treated with the respect we deserve, the elves are going out on strike.
> Please relay this to the rest of the corrupt capitalist upper management
> running dogs that you associate with.
>
> Hermie the Elf
>
> P.S. - if you don't lay off, I'll release the REAL story of how you got
> your
> nose to glow. I'm pretty sure that puts you in the "Naughty" category.
> Along with Mrs. Claus...
>
> P.P.S. - I also have pictures.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jesus Villarreal [mailto:jesvilla@gte.net]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 12:56 PM
> To: Kevin_Stevens@Bigfoot.com
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> Kevin Stevens wrote:
> >
> > I heard they were in training at a greyhound track in Florida,
> alternating
> > as "bunny" for each race...
> >
>
> > > >
> > > >I am a strong proponent of Reindeer Feed. I conduct Reindeer Feed
> testing
> > > >down at the Lab.
>
> Not to mention that the heftier they are, the better for the venison
> jerky, and venison chorizo that could feed Santa and the elves.
>
> Hermies halfbrother(once dis-owned)
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:25 PM
> To: 'jesvilla@gte.net'; Kevin_Stevens@Bigfoot.com
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> Hermie,
>
> Would you put a lid on your evil half-brother? Please tell me he's still
> in
> prison.
>
> Rudolph
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:41 PM
> To: Kelly, Katie
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> Nope - he was released for good behavior last month. From what I hear,
> Santa has hired him to trim operations, in an attempt to get Klausco
> back
> into the black. He's the one spearheading the negotiations with
> FedEx. I've also heard that Santa has a big meat grinder on order...
>
> Hermie the Elf
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jesus Villarreal [mailto:jesvilla@gte.net]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 2:53 PM
> To: Kelly, Katie
> Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
> I got out after I gave some of the aforementioned foods to the
> parole board members, they liked it so much they set me up with a
> complete store so they could do their shopping in total confidence.
>
> Hermies halfbrother,(once dis-owned)
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jesus Villarreal [mailto:jesvilla@gte.net]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 3:02 PM
> To: Jim Ochi
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: Re: Dear Santa (2)
>
>
> hermie wrote:
> >
> > Nope - he was released for good behavior last month.
>
> More like good cookin'
>
> >From what I hear, Santa has hired him to trim operations, in an attempt
>
> >to get Klausco back into the black.
>
> Yeah, trim operations in the butcher shop.
>
> > He's the one spearheading the negotiations with FedEx.
>
> I'm also talking to Emery Express.
>
> >I've also heard that Santa has a big meat grinder on order...
>
> I think I have that covered.
>
> The disowned jailbird halfbrother
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Kelly, Katie [mailto:kkelly@spss.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 3:18 PM
> To: 'jesvilla@gte.net'; Jim Ochi
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> This sounds like MUTINY!
>
> Come Donner! Come Blitzen!
>
> Donner, where are you?! Why are you silent?!
>
> Rudolph
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jim Ochi [mailto:jochi@liquidaudio.com]
> Sent: Wednesday, December 06, 2000 3:42 PM
> To: Kelly, Katie; 'jesvilla@gte.net'
> Cc: ba-autox@autox.team.net
> Subject: RE: Dear Santa (2)
>
> He was delicious.
>
> Hermie the Elf
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