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12 Days of Cajun Chrismas

To: autox@autox.team.net
Subject: 12 Days of Cajun Chrismas
From: "Larry Steckel" <lorenzoscribe@hotmail.com>
Date: Tue, 25 Dec 2001 12:41:39 -0500
Ladies and Gentlemen, I found a hard copy of this hilarious takeoff in a 
file folder I was ready to throw away.  Let it be my present to all the 
Team.Netters.

12 Days of Cajun Christmas


Day 1 :. Dear Boudreaux, Thanks for de bird in de pear tree. I fix it 
lasnight with dirty rice. I doan tink de pear tree will grow in de swamp, 
so I swap it for a Satsuma.

Day 2 :  Dear Boudreaux, You letter say you sent two turtle doves, but all I 
got was two scrawny pigeons. Anyway, I mixed dem with andouile an made some 
gumbo out of dem.

Day 3 : Dear Boudreaux, way doan you sent some crawfish?  Im tired of 
eating dem darn birds. I gave two of dose prissy French chickens to Marie 
Trahan over at Gras Bayou an fed the tird one to my dog Phideaux. Marie 
needed some sparring partners for her fighting rooster.

Day 4 :  Dear Boudreaux, Mon Dieux!  I tol you no more friggin birds!  Deez 
four, what you call them calling birds were  so noisy you could hear them 
all de way to Napoleonville. I used dere necks for my crab traps an fed the 
rest of dem to de gators.

Day 5 : Dear Boudreaux, You finally sen somethin useful. I like dem golden 
rings, me.  I hocked dem at da pawn shop in Thibodeaux and go enuf money to 
fix da shaft on my shrimp boat an buy a round for da boys a de RaisinCane 
Lounge. Merci Beaucoup!

Day 6 : Dear Boudreaux, Couchon! Back to da birds, you coonass turkey! Poor 
egg suckin Phideaux is scared to death at dem six gaeases. He tried to eat 
dems eggs and dey peck de heck out ah his snout. Dey good at eatin 
cockroaches, though. I may stuff one of dem wit erster dressing on Chrismas 
Day.

Day 7 :  Dear Boudreaux, Im gonna wring your fool neck next time I see you. 
Thibeau, da mailman, is ready to kill ya. The merde from all dem birds is 
stinkin up his mailboat. He afraid someone will slip on dat stuff and sue 
him good.  I let those seven swans loose to swim on de bayou and some duck 
hunters from Mississippi blasted dem out of de water. Talk to you tomorrow.

Day 8 : Dear Boudreaux, poor ole Thibeau, he had to make tree trips on his 
mailboat to deliver dem 8 maids a milkin and their cows. One of dem cows got 
spooked by da alligators an almost tipped over da boat. I doan like dem 
siftless maids, me no.  I tot dem to get to work guttin fish and sweeping 
the shack but dey say it wasnt in dair contract. Dey probably think de too 
good ta skin nutrias I caught las night.

Day 9 : Dear Boudreaux, what you trying to do huh?  Thibeau had to borrow 
the Luther ferry to carry dem jumpin twits you call Lords a- Leaping 
across the bayou. As soon as dey gots here dey wanted a tea break with 
crumpets. I doan know what dat means but I says, Well La Di Da!  You get 
Chickory coffee or nutin. Mon Dieu, Emile, what am I gonna feed all dese 
bozos?  Dey too snotty for fried nutria, an de cows done eat my turnip 
greens.

Day 10 : Dear Boudreaux, You got to be outs of you mind!  If de mailman 
dont kill you, I will fo sure!  Today he deliver 10 half nikid floozies 
from Bourbon Street. Dey said dey be ladies Dancin, but dey doan act like 
ladies in front of dose Limey twits. Dey almos left after one of dem got bit 
by a water moccasin over by da out-house. I had to butcher 2 cows to feed 
toute le monde an had to get toilet paper. The Sears Catalog wasnt good 
enuf for dose hoity toity Lords royal behin.

Day 11:  Dear Boudreaux, where yat?  Cherrio and pip pip. Your 11 pipers 
piping arrives today from the House of Blues, second lining as dey got off 
de boat.  We fixed stuffed goose and beef jambalaya, finished da whiskey and 
we having a fais-do-d0! Da new mailman he drink a bottle of Jack Daniel an 
he having a good time yeah dancing with de floozies.  Thibeau he jump off de 
Sunshine Bridge yesterday, screaming your name.  If you get a mysterious, 
ticking package in de mail, doan open it!

Day 12 : Dear Boudreaux, I sorry to tell ya but I not your true love 
anymore, no. After da faisdo-do, I spnet de night with Jacque, de head 
piper. We decide to open a restaurant and gentlemens club on de bayou. The 
floozies, pardon me, Ladies dancing can make $20.00 for a table dance, an de 
Lords can be waiters an valet park de boats. Since de maids doan have no 
more cows ta milk, I trained dem to set my crab traps, watch my trotlines, 
an run my sriping business. We will probably gross a million clams nex year.





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