That was good Mr. Volpp....very good...
Phil O.
Subject: 10 Days to the Meridian Tour!
> If you are traveling to Meridian, like all the cool AutoXer's are, you
> will find that Mississippi is the birthplace of the blues. While other
> places influenced it, and it may now be more prevalent in other areas, it
> started here. Question that, and someone with "Stars and Bars" on his
> license plate (called a "tag" down here, I do no know why) will kick your
> ass.
>
> With that in mind, I thought I would do a favor to all of those attending
> the event and provide the following instructions:
>
>
>
>
>
> HOW TO SING THE BLUES
>
>
> 1.Most blues begin
> "woke up this morning."
> 2."I got a good
woman"
> is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you
> stick something
bad
> in the next line.
>
> Example: "I got a
> good woman-- with the meanest dog in town."
>
> 3.Blues are simple.
> After you have the first line right, repeat it.
> Then find
something
> that rhymes. Sort of.
>
> Example: "Got a
good
> woman with the meanest dog in town. He got
> teeth like
Margaret
> Thatcher and he weighs about 500 pounds."
>
> 4.The blues are not
> about limitless choice.
>
> 5.Teenagers can't
sing
> the blues. Adults sing the blues. Blues
> adulthood means
old
> enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a
> man in Memphis.
> 6.You can have the
> blues in New York City, but not in Brooklyn or
> Queens. Hard times
> in Vermont or North Dakota are just depression.
> Chicago, St.Louis
,
> Kansas City, and Mississippi are still the best places to have
> the blues.
> 7.The following
colors
> do not belong in the blues:
> violet
> beige
> mauve
> pink
> 8.You can't have the
> blues in an office or a shopping mall, the lighting
> is wrong.
> 9.Good places for the
> Blues:
> the highway
> the
jailhouse
>
> the empty
bed
>
> the
> unemployment office
> 10.Bad places:
> ashrams
> Gallery
> openings
> weekend in
> the Hamptons
> the country
> club
> 11.No one will believe
> it's the blues if you wear a suit, unless you
> happen to be an
old
> black man.
> 12.Do you have the
right
> to sing the blues?
>
> Yes if:
> your first
> name is a southern state -- like Alabama or Texas
> you're
blind
> you shot a
> man in Memphis
> you can't
be
> satisfied
>
> No if:
> you were
once
> blind but now can see.
> you're deaf
> instead of blind
> you have a
> trust fund
>
> 13.Neither Julio
> Iglesias nor Barbra Streisand can sing the blues.
> 14.If you ask for
water
> and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.
>
> Other blues
> beverages are:
> wine
> whiskey
> muddy water
> Blues beverages
are
> NOT:
> Any mixed
> drink
> Any wine
> kosher for Passover
> Yoo Hoo
(all
> flavors)
> 15.Blues cars are
> Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues
> transportation is
> Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
> Walkin' plays a
> major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to
> die.
> 16.If it occurs in a
> cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's blues death.
> Stabbed in the
back
> by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the
> electric chair,
> substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an
> emergency room. It
> is not a blues death, if you die during a
> liposuction
> treatment.
> 17.Some Blues names
for
> Women
> Sadie
> Big Mama
> Bessie
> 18.Some Blues Names
for
> Men
> Joe
> Willie
> Little
Willie
>
> Little
Willie
> Joe
> Lightning
> 19.Persons with names
> like Sunshine or Sequoia will not be permitted to
> sing the blues no
> matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
>
>
>
> Today's Meridian Tour work tip:
>
> If you are sitting at your desk, bored and just waiting come to Meridian,
at
> lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars
to
> see if they slow down.
>
> Today's Meridian Tour travel tip:
>
> If you get pulled over on the way down, when the Officer says "Gee
> Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You should respond
with,
> "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
>
> Today's Meridian Weather Forecast:
>
> Thursday Feb 22, Evolution school day, Sunny, High of 61 low of 41.
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