From: The Desk of Katie Kelly, Ace Reporter, Send Lucretia (and JD, too) to
Nationals Campaign Manager
To: Team.net
The Send Lucretia (and JD while we're at it) Headquarters, Northern
California Branch, is pleased to announce JD Kemp as this year's Team.net
Drivers to Nationals contest winner.
"This is the culmination of lots of blood, sweat, tears, and butt-kissing,"
said Katie Kelly, Kemp's Campaign manager. "I honestly didn't think his
writing skills and personality would be enough, so we really milked this
Southern Charm schtick for all it was worth."
Thanks to the fine efforts of a top notch team, Mr. Kemp had the backing of
not only Kelly and just about all his former cohorts of the Dixie Region,
but his newly found friends in the Las Vegas Region, as well.
Said Thomas Harrington, Web Master of the "Official Send JD Kemp and
Lucretia MacEvil" Website, based in Las Vegas, "Hey, if he wins, we won't
have to deal with him in Vegas for at least a week."
Also crucial to the campaign were the many hours of coaching JD Kemp in his
now unimitable writing style, seen monthly in the pages of North American
Pylon (call 1-800-KT-KELLY, and that's TOLL FREE, Harrington!).
"Before attending our workshop," says Kelly, "his style was pleasant and
clear, but we really had to work with JD to try to get his true personality
to shine through."
As an example, Kelly says she spend countless hours working with Kemp,
trying to help him find type in that now famous southern dialect.
"He kept writing, 'All of you,' or simply, 'You,' and I just kept saying,
No, JD, it's 'Y'all, Y'all.' If you're from the south, you type, 'Y'all.'"
Fortunately, Mr. Kemp was a quick study, and his lovely quips have been
gracing this cyber forum ever since.
Still, according to sources, it was a close battle for the DTN win. "All of
the candidates were more than deserving, and I'm glad it was close." says
Kelly. "Hopefully, they'll be nominated next year, and they'll have another
chance."
JD Kemp was unavailable for comment at the time of this writing.
If Lucretia MacEvil, Kemp's MGB, survives the long road to Topeka, you can
meet her in person. She'll be pitted next to all of her British brothers and
sisters and cousins who are already staking out their territory at Forbes
Field, including Li'l Stroker, a 1960 Lotus 7A, competing in his 39th year
of Solo II.
Katie Kelly
Ace Reporter
North American Pylon
(800)KT-KELLY
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Guilt slows your metabolism.
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